Last night I had a realization. It wasn't so sudden so I can't call it an epiphany. There was this Italian guy who didn't speak any English in my 3 bed room and he must have been in his 40s at least. Couldn't really talk to him so couldn't get to know him a little. When I went to bed I was getting worried that this guy was a psycho so I was constantly alert when he made any moves. He left the hostel at about 5am and I thought I could sleep well now. I did. But I dreamt I was at home with friends and family and we were having a great time partying. When I woke up, I was a little disappointed. Sun blaring into an empty room so quiet not even those damn noisey birds were chirping. I had a sudden rush of anxious feeling. I hate being alone. Even if I were in a room full of strangers who didn't speak a word of English I would be more comfortable. What makes it worse is that I know outside there aren't many people walking around.
I think I first thought about this after watching 13 Ghosts. It had nothing to do with being lonely but it was the first time I felt the craving of a crowd. I thought I had gotten over it, but now I know I can't handle lonely situations well. I'm constantly looking for a best friend on this trip, someone I can relate to, but every time I get close, we go our seperate ways.
So my first big realization from this trip:
Aside from my phobia of looking up at tall buildings, I am deadly afraid of being all by myself. I'm afraid of being the only person in one place, and it helps greatly just to have anyone's company.
If I can get over this I think I can be less sentimental, since I won't feel the need to connect with people. I have been brought up in a very associative environment, where I constantly feel loved around familiar faces, but it's time for me to grow up and understand the reality is that the world is too big to be loved by everyone and if I learn to disconnect the dots then I can function accordingly in situations like the one I've put myself in.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally enjoying my trip! The day before yesterday I was walking down this alley towards the duomo and I thought, "Holy s*** I'm in frickin Florence. My life is awesome." I just wish I can share these moments with someone at home right now, but don't worry, I'm gonna sit each of you down individually when I get home to tell you every little detail of my trip... well that I can recall at least.

Also, why don't you guys comment on my blog instead of going through facebook? I'm gonna read them here too?